Virtual Worship - 14 February 2021

The Christian Way - Hurt

Service sheet (pdf)

Today is the final Sunday of our series exploring the Christian Way. Learning lessons from the life, teaching and example of Jesus we have thought about hardship, stepping down and stepping up, parenting, fear, and last week, money. Today we look to Jesus as we reflect on the very human experience of hurt –both receiving it and causing it – and on what it means to be Jesus-shaped in response to hurt.

There is a certain irony that this falls exactly on February 14th – St Valentine’s Day! As you remember your teenage self perhaps sending and receiving (or not receiving) Valentine cards, let’s note something important. Our need to be loved, and our experience of being loved, has consequences, and being hurt and causing hurt is one of them. Hurt is not optional. When the old Simeon tells the young mother Mary that, ‘a sword will pierce your own soul too’ or as the Message Bible has it, ‘the pain of a sword-thrust through you’, he is both anticipating the shadow of the cross, but also expressing a deeply human truth. In the words of songwriter Boudleaux Bryan, whether you hear them sung by the Everly Brothers, Roy Orbison, Nazareth or Cher, ‘Love hurts”. Whether romantic or familial love, there is hurt involved. To face this hurt in a Jesus-shaped way is to look to God’s love to sustain, heal, hold, embrace.

Call to worship

God stands with arms wide open, ready to welcome us home with an enormous hug.
God sits with hands held out, ready to listen to our troubles and sooth our worries.
God whoops with hands punching the sky, ready to delight and celebrate all that we can be.
So come, worship the God who first loved us.
(© Clare McBeath, 2010 www.dancingscarecrow.org.uk)

Prayer

Lord Jesus Christ, who suffered pain, rejection and betrayal, and who still suffers at our hands as we deny your mission, teach us how to leave our hurt behind and understand the pain that we inflict on others, so that you may work through us towards a world of hurts transformed. Amen.

Song

You might like to sing, or reflect on the words of Jan Struther’s Hymn at Singing the Faith 526/Hymns & Psalms 552, Lord of all hopefulness, Lord of all joy, whose trust, ever childlike, no cares could destroy.

In our service today we’re going to think about hurt from three directions. Firstly, hurt we receive. Secondly, hurt we cause. And thirdly, hurt from a particular church perspective. Before we think about the hurt we receive, let’s listen to some scripture. A couple of verses from Matthew 18, and then some teaching from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount from Matthew 5.

Readings

Matt 18 21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ 22 Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.’

Matt 5 38 ‘You have heard that it was said, “Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.” But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
43 ‘You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.” 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.’

The hurt we receive

I’ve thought quite a bit about what tense to use here, and gone for the present. Although in doing so I want to acknowledge that for many of us hurts received in the past are still real in the present. Some of the things that have happened to us, been done to us, whether by action or omission, continue to hurt us deeply even when much time has passed. The decisions and actions of others, then and now, particularly when trust is breached, have consequences that can be long-lasting in their effect. So we are thinking about our current experience, but recognising that the past continues to shape us. And realising that there can be a cumulative effect too, layer upon layer of hurts wearing us down, leading us to come to expect to be hurt, giving us an unhelpful lens through which to view the present.

In conversation with Peter (Matt 18), Jesus tells him what to do when someone hurts him. In a later conversation (John 21), he will show him. Forgiveness is the key. Extravagant, seventy-times-seven-fold, change-making forgiveness.

Clearly, easier said than done. But the teaching and example of Jesus is clear. After all, this is the man who asks God to forgive those who are nailing him to a cross.

So, if forgiveness is the clue to the puzzle, how do we unlock it?

By realising it has been given to us. At the heart of the Christian message is the news that God is love, and that that love makes transformation possible. God who is love forgives the hammer-wielding romans on Good Friday, and in doing so gifts forgiveness to us all. God lets us start again.

So, we have forgiveness in our toolkit, how do we use it?

By letting go of the hurt we carry, and refusing to look through its lens at the people who surround us today. The need to forgive is as much about our spiritual health as it is about the person who hurts us. But it isn’t easy. Seventy-times-seven isn’t just about persistence, it’s also about how difficult it is, how long it might take us. To forgive is not to say it didn’t matter, is not to deny the hurt, is not to say the behaviour was acceptable, is not to sweep under the carpet. To forgive is to choose to move on, to refuse to be held or defined by the hurt, to acknowledge it and place it in God’s open arms. To forgive is to be Jesus-shaped.

One helpful way in which some people have been able to find their way to forgiving, is by writing a letter to the one, or ones, who hurt them. Not with the intention of sending the letter, indeed, often the person being written to is long gone, but rather to work through the hurt, understand it more clearly, and finally be able to say to the person, ‘You did this…it hurt me…but I forgive you…I choose to be free of this hurt.’ In some cases reading the letter out loud to another person has been an important step – being heard in the hurting and the forgiving. (If this might help you please let me or another minister know – we will be pleased to listen.)

To forgive is to be Jesus-shaped. So is to be ready to forgive. Acknowledging hurt, not dismissing it, but choosing not to be held by it, may God help us to live healthy and gracious lives. Amen.

Prayer 

Gracious God, whose Son Jesus shows us the way, receive our hurt, help us forgive, and fill us with love. Amen.

Hymn

We sing or listen to Ruth C Duck’s hymn StF 613 God, how can we forgive when bonds of love are torn? How can we rise and start anew, our trust reborn? When human loving fails and every hope is gone, your love gives strength beyond our own to face the dawn. 

Reading

Mark 14:66 While Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant-girls of the high priest came by. 67 When she saw Peter warming himself, she looked closely at him.
‘You also were with that Nazarene, Jesus,’ she said.
68 But he denied it. ‘I don’t know or understand what you’re talking about,’ he said, and went out into the entrance.[g]
69 When the servant-girl saw him there, she said again to those standing round them, ‘This fellow is one of them.’ 70 Again he denied it.
After a little while, those standing near said to Peter, ‘Surely you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.’
71 He began to call down curses, and he swore to them, ‘I don’t know this man you’re talking about.’
72 Immediately the cock crowed the second time.[h] Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him: ‘Before the cock crows twice[i] you will disown me three times.’ And he broke down and wept.

The hurt we cause

None of us is immune from causing hurt to others. Often without intent, not necessarily conscious of what we are doing, we say or do, or fail to say or do, and the consequence is someone hurt. We thank one person, but fail to thank another, and they are hurt. We are caught up in our thoughts, and fail to notice and acknowledge someone on the street, and they are hurt. We stop something happening, concerned for a person’s welfare, but are seen as not trusting, and they are hurt. We volunteer to do something, thinking to be helpful, but someone else thought it was their job, and they are hurt. Such hurts happen, and perhaps all we can do is to try to look and listen well, to act with sensitivity, and to cultivate openness that allows such things to be spoken and not hidden.

But what about the knowing hurt, the deliberate act, the selfish choice? What about the pattern of behaviour that consistently belittles or hurts, that damages the other? In the episode above, Peter moves from a first, casual lie, ‘I don’t know what you are talking about’, into a pattern of denial, ‘I don’t know this man’, culminating in his realisation that Jesus knew what he had done. Then, we are told, ‘he broke down and wept’.

Dare we prayerfully consider our behaviours, reflect on our relationships, ask God to help us be aware of what we have done, more importantly, to realise what we are doing? It was not too late for Peter, and in the conversation we have already referred to in John 21, Jesus balances the three-fold denial through forgiveness and a three-fold recommissioning – ending with ‘Follow me!’ As we reflect, may God give us the wisdom to recognise the hurt we cause, the humility to admit our responsibility, and the courage to address the change required. God has already gifted us forgiveness, may God’s Spirit plant it firm within our character, that grace and love might grow in us. Amen,

Song

You might like to sing, or reflect on the words of Michael Forster’s Let love be real StF 615 

Church hurts

Many years ago I went through a difficult time in my ministry. I was working in a church which was struggling to know how to move forward, and we had many difficult meetings and conversations. At the same time my brother was chairing the committee of his local rugby club, which was facing major questions about redevelopment. We had many late night chats comparing notes. We came to the conclusion that church was more difficult. I generalise here, but there was a sense that, in the rugby club, strong opinions were held, often on the basis of knowledge, practice, experience, but that they were recognised as opinions, and compromise was possible. In church the opinions were voiced as answers to prayer, what the bible says, what the church has always done, what God wants, what John Wesley (or another ancestor) would think, and as such, were much harder to work with in finding consensus on the way forward. There was much contradictory certainty, and a lot of people, myself included, were hurt. The rugby club build a training facility and goes on. The church closed a few years later.

The example above is extreme, but I offer it as a pointer to ways in which church can cause hurt. Some of us will see church as the sure rock in a changing world, and be hurt when it changes. Some of us will see church as needing to move to follow the Spirit, and be hurt when it doesn’t change. All of us will feel we should get on well as good Christian people, and feel hurt when we struggle.

As we reflect on this in the light of our desire to live as Jesus-shaped people, it occurs to me that Jesus was always able to be himself but in a way that responded appropriately to the person or group he was with at the time, whether Galilean fisherman, Samaritan woman at the well, or synagogue leader. He took the other seriously.

May God help us take one another seriously, whilst still being true to who we believe God calls us to be. May we disagree well, with creative tensions blessing our fellowship. May we acknowledge our hurts, and be able to give and receive forgiveness graciously. Amen.

Praying for others, and ourselves

We pray for those who are hurting, whether that hurt is deep set or shockingly fresh, the result of circumstance or deliberate behaviour. Particularly we hold those hurt by the betrayal of those in whom they had trust. For those who cannot see how to begin to forgive; for those who see the present through the lens of past hurt. 

In silence we pray………………… God who is love, sustain, heal, hold, embrace.

We pray for any on our hearts at this time, not least those suffering through covid and its consequences. For those exhausted, abused, isolated, afraid, grieving, anxious about livelihood, and for all who are hurting.

 

In silence we pray………………… God who is love, sustain, heal, hold, embrace.

We pray for one another and ourselves, that we might respect one another, disagree well, and give and receive forgiveness graciously. 

In silence we pray………………… God who is love, sustain, heal, hold, embrace.

In Jesus’ name we offer our prayers. Amen.

We bring our prayers together, as we pray, with all God’s people, the Lord’s Prayer.

Song

We close with Fred Pratt Green’s hymn, (StF 691/HP 806) What shall our greeting be: sign of our unity? “Jesus is Lord!” 

Blessing

We go in peace, in the power of the Spirit, to live and work to God’s praise and glory. Amen.
We bless one another, and all those we have brought to mind this day, as we share the Grace:
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, be with us all, now and always. Amen.

(CCLI 79951. Service prepared by Rev’d Nick Blundell)