The Christian Way - Parenting
Service Sheet (pdf)
Ideas about parents
We asked our children what they thought parents are; here are some of their responses;- ‘a parent is someone who looks after you and keeps a roof over your head’
- ‘a parent is a person who looks after you when you are sad’
- ‘they keep you happy and safe’
- ‘they are people who help me in times of trouble and help me through life and care for me’
- ‘parents are people who keep you safe and are kind’
Welcome
Welcome to Baildon Methodist Church. Today's service is the latest in ‘The exploring the Christian Way’ theme and is all about parenting. The service today is led by myself, Amanda, Rachel and Naomi. We certainly are not claiming to be parenting experts – we are just everyday people trying to work it out bringing our children up knowing God and sharing the relationship we have with him. As many parents do, I learnt early on that there is no rule book. I wanted to be ‘mother earth’ from day 1 and have the blooming pregnancy and be the mother that could do it all - but when my first pregnancy and birth did not go in the way I hoped; I had to put my faith in God, the NHS and medicines and 13 yrs later I can reflect on the amazing result. Everyone has their challenges with family life, bringing up children, some are more extreme than others but none are to be dismissed as we are all God’s children.So, the responsibility of parenting, trying to keep family life going, work, your own friendships and relationships can feel overwhelming, especially when you are managing a range of emotions including your own. This is even more intense at the moment as people are juggling home learning and their own jobs, plus being in lockdown means both adults and children alike are not seeing friends and family for support.
So, when things feel overwhelming and tense we just need to try and take a step back and remember the ‘joy’ our children give us. What do they teach us? Are we too serious and just need to have a laugh with them and be ‘child like’? During this service we are going to do just that and take time to remember what Jesus is teaching us on our journey through life.
Prayer:
Father of us all, Mother of each one, thank you for your love for us from the beginning of time. You formed us when we were in our mother’s womb, you knit us together lovingly, your devotion to us has not failed. Your care has followed us our whole life long. All we are and all we have we owe you. So, on this day we give honour to you with our hearts and hands and voices. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.Song
We shall now listen or sing along to ‘A child like faith’.Not now Bernard
We now share the story of ‘Not now Bernard’, by David McKee.Bernard is a young boy who is trying his best to make his family aware that there is a monster in the garden. He tries his dad who is busy with DIY, his reply ‘Not now Bernard’. Bernard tries to tell his mum, busy with tasks in the house, who replies ‘Not now Bernard’.
In the end Bernard gives up trying to tell his parents about the monster and instead goes to speak to the monster. The monster eats Bernard up, every bit. The monster then goes indoors and tries to scare Bernard’s parents, who are still so busy they don’t look at the monster, but just say ‘Not now Bernard’. The monster eats Bernard’s dinner and goes to bed in Bernard’s bed. Bernard’s parents still don’t notice that Bernard has been replaced by a monster. The story ends with the monster, saying ‘but I’m a monster’ as Bernard’s mum turns out the light; ‘Not now Bernard’ comes the reply.
Our Not now moments:
Just like Bernard’s family, as busy parents, we all quite often have ‘Not now’ moments with our own children.My not now moments often come when I am busy working; often when I am sat marking pupils' work, someone will appear to ask me to do something, such as play lego.
My not now moment is as soon as I get into a nice hot bath, and I’m just starting to relax and there is a little knock at the door and a voice saying ‘Mum’.
Sometimes when I am on the phone, I need to say, ‘not now, I’m just talking to someone’.
What are we missing out on with our children? We all know we need to try to say ‘not now’ a little less and ‘yes, now’ a little more.
Readings
We are now going to listen to two readings from the bible, which tell us about how Jesus saw children and related children to how we should be.
Jesus could have responded in a lot of ways. I’m sure a few came to mind, but rather than calling them selfish, slow learners, or worse; rather than rolling his eyes and sighing in exasperation, Jesus tries to teach them by bringing the child over and saying, “Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom.” Jesus is shifting the emphasis from greatness, to the Kingdom of heaven. Jesus is saying we need to change and become like children. What does he mean by that?
In the world of transactional analysis – we all have different ‘hats’ in the way in which we interact with one another. We can be Parent like, Adult like or Child like. If we are Parent like we show authority, we exert our absorbed conditioning from when we were young and like a sponge. As a parent, we are playing back hidden, recorded behaviours that we’ve learnt along the way. Have you ever caught yourself saying something and you think to yourself, “gosh, I sound like my parents?” That’s when you’re in the Parent state. You say things like “under no circumstances….” “how to….” “always…..” My personal favourites are when I’m talking to the kids and I end up saying, “what did your last slave die of?” or “Am I a pack horse?” I’ve even caught Tilly and Tallulah starting to play these back to others now…!!
In an Adult state we determine the action for ourselves based on received data. So this is probably our most thought through state, and this state only works when you interact with another person with their Adult state hat on, so you can bounce off each other and confirm each others thinking.
In a Child state, it is all about feeling, hearing, seeing emotions. Internal reaction to external events.
Interactions don’t really work unless it is adult to adult, parent to child or child to parent. As you can imagine, there is a clash if we try a parent to parent interaction – both parties trying to exert their learnt behaviour and attitudes in to the conversation.
In the readings, Jesus is trying to advise us to keep our Child Like hat on to open up our emotions when interacting with God as we are open to possibilities, appreciating what we are seeing, hearing and feeling and as a result, can learn lots more about Gods Kingdom.
In transactional analysis, this is the Child to Parent interaction that makes for so much more of an effective communication, as we are not attending the relationship with any pre-learnt behaviours, or attitudes and we can trust in God’s guidance.
Jesus then goes on to say, “But if you give them a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you’ll soon wish you hadn’t. You’d be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck.”
Giving a child a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of them, is mentioned in other bible versions as ‘putting stumbling blocks in front of children.’ Jesus repeats his warning about stumbling blocks quite a few times. Anyone who has stumbled while walking on a trail, trying to get across the living room, or even to the bathroom at night, knows that you can get really injured stumbling. It isn’t pretty; it hurts, and can be embarrassing if someone else sees us. One of the first things we do if we stumble is look around to see if anyone noticed us in our less than graceful moment! It would be far worse to stumble because someone tried to trip us up. Jesus is strongly warning us not to put a stumbling block in front of anyone who believes in him.
You might have put a stumbling block in front of someone, if you have impeded their spiritual progress or hurt someone in any way by how you have behaved. Blocks of stone can function negatively as stumbling blocks that cause pain and hurt, but if you flip it around, a block of stone can also serve a positive function like stepping stones or as part of building a solid foundation. I think it is pretty clear that Jesus doesn’t want any of us to be a stumbling block, rather he wants us to be stepping stones and part of strong foundations. He wants us to help people move forward especially through challenging terrain in life – if you’ve ever gone walking and had to cross a stream, it is so nice to have stones to help you get across. We can be that foundations for others, we can be their stepping stones.
So next time you are interacting with children, or even adults in the infancy of their faith, you can ask yourself, “Am I being a stumbling block or a stepping stone?”
We need to remember to be teachable, put our trust in God like a parent, and act with humility. Be child like in our approach to God, to be a sponge, soak up and deepen our understanding and grow as individuals.
And how should we lead and guide children of god?
If you are a father or a mother, make your children the most important priority in your life and build your other commitments around them. If you are not a parent, look for children who could benefit from your investment in their lives. As a parent, friend, neighbour, church family, we should treat them as we would if they were Jesus in front of us. They are like sponges, so teach them and guide them away from the bad towards the good in the world. Don’t be a stumbling block, be a stepping stone, help build someone’s foundation
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins
as we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom, the power,
and the glory are yours
now and for ever.
Amen.
Let us pray:
Dear Lord, Let us cherish children, let us be child like in our faith, let us learn how to open our hearts, love and be in the moment like children.
Lord, in the current time we think and pray for all children but especially those who being at home is not loving, stable or safe. We pray for those who have no food or warmth and have no escape from these environments. We pray for the parents who are trying to survive and provide for their families when they have their own challenges such as losing their job or health issues. We pray for all the professionals and volunteers trying to keep children safe in challenging times.
As a church and individuals help us learn from children as they are our future. Help us not to belittle their suggestions or ignore their questions.
Laughing in the rain;
Lover of the children make me young again.
Climbing in the treetops,
Running down the shore;
Lover of the children, make me young once more.
Vigorous & daring, teachable & mild;
Lover of the children,
Make me like a child.
Trusting in your goodness
Walking where you lead;
Make me young indeed.
Make me young enough to know that alone I dare not
Go through the darkness of the night.
Make me young enough to see your love will never let me go.
Make me open to surprise, put wonder in my eyes,
Make my vision clear & bright.
Make me willing to be led & to follow where you bid me go.
Fearing not tomorrow Trusting you today;
Lover of the children make me young I pray.”
Matthew Chpt 18: Versus 1-7
At about the same time, the disciples came to Jesus asking, “Who gets the highest rank in God’s kingdom?” For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, “I’m telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom. What’s more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it’s the same as receiving me. But if you give them a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you’ll soon wish you hadn’t. You’d be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck. Doom to the world for giving these God-believing children a hard time! Hard times are inevitable, but you don’t have to make it worse – and it’s doomsday to you if you do.Mark Chpt 10: Versus 13-16
The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus was irate and let them know it: “Don’t push these children away. Don’t ever get between them and me. These children are at the very centre of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God’s kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you’ll never get in.” Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them.Thoughts about the bible readings
When you think about what these readings are trying to convey, I believe it can be split into 2 distinct parts. How we should act like children in order to be an effective part of God’s kingdom, and how we should lead and guide others, in their infancy of faith, particularly children.How we should act like children of God?
In Matthew Chpt 18, the disciples asked “Who gets the highest rank in God’s kingdom?”Jesus could have responded in a lot of ways. I’m sure a few came to mind, but rather than calling them selfish, slow learners, or worse; rather than rolling his eyes and sighing in exasperation, Jesus tries to teach them by bringing the child over and saying, “Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom.” Jesus is shifting the emphasis from greatness, to the Kingdom of heaven. Jesus is saying we need to change and become like children. What does he mean by that?
Teachable
I think that the first thing Jesus means by this is that we need to be as Teachable as children to participate in God’s kingdom by learning God’s ways and living accordingly. One of the coolest things to me about children when they’re really young and have not yet learned to speak, is watching their eyes, and you can almost hear their little brains whirring and their ‘cogs turning’ as they are processing all they are hearing, seeing, touching, and sticking in their mouth. Children are like sponges, and are always learning based on what they observe going on around them. This is a fantastic state to be in. It is when the world and the people in it are most appreciated. Its not too hard to switch to this state either. When you get the chance to go out in to nature, just soak up your surroundings like it’s the first time you are seeing it. When you read the bible, read the words like it’s the first time you are hearing them - there is always something new to learn or pick up. I think Jesus is hinting that if we act like a closed book and are not teachable, we will miss valuable learning’s and not be in the right state to be fully effective in Gods kingdom.In the world of transactional analysis – we all have different ‘hats’ in the way in which we interact with one another. We can be Parent like, Adult like or Child like. If we are Parent like we show authority, we exert our absorbed conditioning from when we were young and like a sponge. As a parent, we are playing back hidden, recorded behaviours that we’ve learnt along the way. Have you ever caught yourself saying something and you think to yourself, “gosh, I sound like my parents?” That’s when you’re in the Parent state. You say things like “under no circumstances….” “how to….” “always…..” My personal favourites are when I’m talking to the kids and I end up saying, “what did your last slave die of?” or “Am I a pack horse?” I’ve even caught Tilly and Tallulah starting to play these back to others now…!!
In an Adult state we determine the action for ourselves based on received data. So this is probably our most thought through state, and this state only works when you interact with another person with their Adult state hat on, so you can bounce off each other and confirm each others thinking.
In a Child state, it is all about feeling, hearing, seeing emotions. Internal reaction to external events.
Interactions don’t really work unless it is adult to adult, parent to child or child to parent. As you can imagine, there is a clash if we try a parent to parent interaction – both parties trying to exert their learnt behaviour and attitudes in to the conversation.
In the readings, Jesus is trying to advise us to keep our Child Like hat on to open up our emotions when interacting with God as we are open to possibilities, appreciating what we are seeing, hearing and feeling and as a result, can learn lots more about Gods Kingdom.
Put full trust in God like a parent
While I think Jesus wants us to be teachable, I think the second thing Jesus means by “accepting Gods Kingdom in the simplicity of a child,” comes from when we consider the dependence of children on parents for food, shelter, care, and nurture. There is no creature on earth, as far as I know, that is more dependent on others for its survival for longer than human children. Fish, turtles, and many other creatures – they’re on their own from the moment they’re born, and the world can be a tough place with other creatures just waiting to eat you. Human beings are dependent on their parents or guardians, not for minutes, but for years. Entering the kingdom of God like a child means recognizing our dependence on God and learning to trust in and depend on God, as a child does on a parent.In transactional analysis, this is the Child to Parent interaction that makes for so much more of an effective communication, as we are not attending the relationship with any pre-learnt behaviours, or attitudes and we can trust in God’s guidance.
Act with Humility
Entering the Kingdom of God as a child means we’re teachable, we recognize our dependence on God, and the third thing I think is required, is humility. Jesus desires humble, teachable, trusting followers, rather than those who are arrogant, immovable, and trusting in themselves. If we act as if we know it all already, think too highly of ourselves and are not open and humble, we will not grow in faith or understanding, and we won’t further ourselves or grow as individualsSong
Our second hymn is ‘Father God I wonder’Leading and guiding children of God
Keeping the child next to him and in full view of all the disciples, Jesus continues, “5 when you receive the childlike on my account, it’s the same as receiving me.” Jesus is urging his followers to treat even the youngest, the most helpless and powerless, as we would welcome and treat Jesus himself. This is something most us can improve on. Do we honestly treat every child that crosses our path as if he or she was a little Jesus? If we did, we would surely make time for children our upmost priority, and never put off our activities due to the business of life!Jesus then goes on to say, “But if you give them a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you’ll soon wish you hadn’t. You’d be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck.”
Giving a child a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of them, is mentioned in other bible versions as ‘putting stumbling blocks in front of children.’ Jesus repeats his warning about stumbling blocks quite a few times. Anyone who has stumbled while walking on a trail, trying to get across the living room, or even to the bathroom at night, knows that you can get really injured stumbling. It isn’t pretty; it hurts, and can be embarrassing if someone else sees us. One of the first things we do if we stumble is look around to see if anyone noticed us in our less than graceful moment! It would be far worse to stumble because someone tried to trip us up. Jesus is strongly warning us not to put a stumbling block in front of anyone who believes in him.
You might have put a stumbling block in front of someone, if you have impeded their spiritual progress or hurt someone in any way by how you have behaved. Blocks of stone can function negatively as stumbling blocks that cause pain and hurt, but if you flip it around, a block of stone can also serve a positive function like stepping stones or as part of building a solid foundation. I think it is pretty clear that Jesus doesn’t want any of us to be a stumbling block, rather he wants us to be stepping stones and part of strong foundations. He wants us to help people move forward especially through challenging terrain in life – if you’ve ever gone walking and had to cross a stream, it is so nice to have stones to help you get across. We can be that foundations for others, we can be their stepping stones.
So next time you are interacting with children, or even adults in the infancy of their faith, you can ask yourself, “Am I being a stumbling block or a stepping stone?”
Conclusion
So how should we act like children of god?We need to remember to be teachable, put our trust in God like a parent, and act with humility. Be child like in our approach to God, to be a sponge, soak up and deepen our understanding and grow as individuals.
And how should we lead and guide children of god?
If you are a father or a mother, make your children the most important priority in your life and build your other commitments around them. If you are not a parent, look for children who could benefit from your investment in their lives. As a parent, friend, neighbour, church family, we should treat them as we would if they were Jesus in front of us. They are like sponges, so teach them and guide them away from the bad towards the good in the world. Don’t be a stumbling block, be a stepping stone, help build someone’s foundation
Prayers
The Lord’s prayer was shared as a sketch; where God answered each section of the Lord’s prayer to make the person praying conscious of what they were saying.Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins
as we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom, the power,
and the glory are yours
now and for ever.
Amen.
Let us pray:
Dear Lord, Let us cherish children, let us be child like in our faith, let us learn how to open our hearts, love and be in the moment like children.
Lord, in the current time we think and pray for all children but especially those who being at home is not loving, stable or safe. We pray for those who have no food or warmth and have no escape from these environments. We pray for the parents who are trying to survive and provide for their families when they have their own challenges such as losing their job or health issues. We pray for all the professionals and volunteers trying to keep children safe in challenging times.
As a church and individuals help us learn from children as they are our future. Help us not to belittle their suggestions or ignore their questions.
Prayer: Lover of the Children By Ken Medema
Walking in the sunshineLaughing in the rain;
Lover of the children make me young again.
Climbing in the treetops,
Running down the shore;
Lover of the children, make me young once more.
Vigorous & daring, teachable & mild;
Lover of the children,
Make me like a child.
Trusting in your goodness
Walking where you lead;
Make me young indeed.
Make me young enough to know that alone I dare not
Go through the darkness of the night.
Make me young enough to see your love will never let me go.
Make me open to surprise, put wonder in my eyes,
Make my vision clear & bright.
Make me willing to be led & to follow where you bid me go.
Fearing not tomorrow Trusting you today;
Lover of the children make me young I pray.”
Song
Our last hymn is ‘My lighthouse’. If you are watching on youtube, please feel free to become childlike and join in with the actions.What’s important to our children
To finish we thought it would be nice to find out what is important to our children. Here are some of their thoughts:- ‘My friends and family, because they always make me smile and they take care of me.’
- ‘The Earth because it helps us to survive.’
- ‘That everybody gets a good education and that my family is safe throughout covid-19’
- ‘Family, shelter, friends and happiness.’
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